the confessions of an artist...

sketching is a process for me... a LONG process... maybe it's partially due to the fact that i'm not that GOOD at sketching... it doesn't come easy for me... it's something that tests my self confidence and leaves me with less of an eraser than began... while i sketch, i sit near a garbage can filled with crumpled illustrations half drawn.... i fill my pencil with lead continuously and i'm surprised the bulb in my light table isn't burnt out from all the usage... the same illustration is drawn ten times over until it is p-e-r-f-e-c-t...

now ramel is the king of sketching... he can illustrate a guy jumping over a moon in one shot, without an eraser within 2 miles... he can look at a picture of a zebra facing sideways and redraw it so that the zebra is facing the viewer playing a guitar and singing koombya.... he truly has the talent and the patience to match... it must be that patience part i'm lacking, eh?!

i've been able to criticize my work with ease, understanding what i lack artistically... i can over analyze and give myself unsolicited advice... i am frustrated by my own limited skills.... perhaps my characters are too stiff... why do they always stand the same way?! and their hands! why can't my characters do more than just hold one object in one hand and use their other hand to massage their bony hips? how come my characters only have one emotion?! and why are their necks SO skinny? why are my characters always lacking nutrition and are thinner than angel hair noodles? and yet they have a gi-normous noggin!!!

how my work turns out is NOT how i envisioned it in my head... in my head, my artwork is as detailed as the cistine chapel... my work is so good it can sit next to the mona lisa... in my head, i see my characters moving and jumping and laughing and talking non-stop... somehow, when i sketch and cut the papers, my brain doesn't register the same information to my hand... my work is not as grand... i can't find the right color... or i can't find the perfect pattern... how come the colors worked out in my head and not outside of it?!

it's not to say, i'm not pleased with my outcome... i can be satisfied with my illustration despite the fact that it's not as detailed as i first envisioned... and sometimes, it turns out better than i thought... like this picture of rosa... it's from the children's book, i'm working on... this carmen miranda impersonator sat in my brain for two years and while the colors were more red and orange in my head, i think the purple works better... i'm pleased with how rosa looks and even though she has one hand holding an object [and the other hand sitting on her bony hip], it's nice to see her alive... it's nice to know that all this sketching is leading somewhere...

so there is my confession... what is yours?

Comments

[Gracie]

Interesting to see that even you have insecurities about your work (though you shouldn't). I adore your characters. They are sweet and I love your style. If I saw your illustrations on a childrens book it would go straight into my library at home.
My confessions include the insecurity that I'm not good enough or creative enough. I have a fear of opening an Etsy even though I have been saying I would for ages now. I spend all this time planning everything but very little doing. That is something I would love to change.
Your an inspiration Ellia, too see you as a wife, a mother and artist and a friend you are able to do it all. I'm amazed!!

[endrit]

i know exactly what you mean, i think all artists have that...it happens to me all the time, i can have a perfect image visualized in my head, but during the transfer to actual paper or wacom..something tends to get lost, well actually a lot of things...but like you said...it's not to say that the outcome sometimes comes better then you expected.

[endrit]

okay i dont know why the posted by name says Gracie...this is endrit teeny lol

[Lis Garrett]

WOW!! What a confession! We love your work just the way it is, of course. I'm a bit jealous of anyone who can draw more than a simple stick figure - LOL!

But I certainly understand how you feel. Having just started a new website, I am having TONS of insecurities right now. I am questioning everything about myself, my talent, and my abilities as a writer. It's just not happening as I had envisioned, and maybe it's because I expect too much too soon. I also expect readers to jump on the bandwagon just because my idea is brilliant (I'm joking . . . a little). I also know that there are a few things I need to be doing differently, and I am working on finding a remedy for those little glitches.

Doubting yourself, though . . . that's scary. It can make you feel just awful, eh?

I, for one, LOVE your work and couldn't imagine your characters looking any other way. They are so perfectly distinctive. I could spot one of your illustrations out of a whole mess of illustrations no problem!

[cindy k]

i wonder if picasso and charles schulz had the same thoughts and wondered why their work had its particular style? probably. i think it's normal for an artist to be self critical, which causes the continual push forward and innovation.

i have the same self doubt. once in a while i feel like i've created something special and others it feels like i'm just wasting my time and fine craft supplies. and, there is the "grass is greener" complex when it comes to wishing i could change my style to emulate something else i've seen. but, i like to make things, so just keep at it.

your work is definitely an inspiration - collage is not even in the realm of my possibilities (i'm awful), so i enjoy yours very much. i think rosa is absolutely wonderful from the fruit bowl balanced just so to her flip flops!

[Margaret]

Your art is fabulous but I can understand the "frustration" when it doesn't match the image in your head. If what you put on paper doesn't meet the image in your head, I can only imagine the amazingness going on in your head.

My confession is that I don't like to ask for help. I think it's that I don't like to admit what I don't know. Maybe. I am getting better though.

[simone]

I think your characters have loads of personality and they look animated to me. I struggle with sketching and although I sometimes come up with a drawing that's not too bad - it does not come easy to me and I have to put loads of concentration and effort into what I do. The fact that you do try so hard makes your work that much more precious to me.

[Nina]

Well Ellia let me see-1.sketching is not for everyone and its the end result that counts 2.Ramel is one artist and you are another 3.the stiffness comes by the fact that things need to be in order and not going in different directions,of course it does not mean that you cant make them do more then on thing!4.Your characters are skinny because you are lol but I know you can make them fat if you want and because they look fun that way 5.about the head being big is because they are braining and shows that everything comes from the head,plus again they are fun like that 6.Believe me when I say they are all very detailed thats why it takes you a while to make them,when someone sees your art work to them they see the character in acting because of the details 7.about the colors,you have plenty of characters in your head so the next time you can use another color or pattern.8.I LOVE YOUR ART WORK-LOVE MOM

[Diane Duda]

Most artists probably share that same confession.
If I put something in my shop and it doesn't sell within a half hour, then I think "well, that's it for me". "no one is ever going to like anything i make again" "back to being a payroll clerk".

I don't want to be that way. I want to just create for the sake of creating. But, I also want others to love what I do too.
And we all love what you do, Ellia. Don't be so hard on yourself. You are an extremely talented artist!

xo
Di

[kiwi]

la senorita es muy bonita, senora.
My confession: impatience. I'm too impatient for perfection. I'm forcing myself to take my time on my current project. it's hard.

[Tracey]

my confession has to be I plan way more in head than I actually find the time to do!! Every Friday at work is the same, I plan to draw or paint or scrapbook loads over the weekend, then life and housework get in the way.... yuk!

[Kim]

My confession is simply NOT DOING all the creative stuff I really want to do, I am iching to create beyond the cards I'm currently doing, because to be honest I'm only making them for instant gratification and it's not the real artist in me!
Where you are out there creating, like you ended the post "it's nice to see her alive... " speaks volumes... all your figures are ALIVE with their own personalities, great work as always, I couldn't imagine them any other way either! It must be great to share that love with the one you love, Although different style of artist!